IECRC (USA & Canada)

February 1, 2004 / Dhul Hijjah 1424

Volume 1, Issue 4

The following is a story of a convert to Islam who is soon to find that her purpose in life is more than just being married in a noble family.  With all the trials that inter-cultural marriages create,  this mother is to face  the greatest trial of her life.  This is a story of sacrifice and honor – a story that highlights the fact that not only those born in Islam can be raised to the highest of degrees and honor, rather Allah Almighty bestows these attributes upon whomever He chooses.  This story highlights the importance of embracing those who come into the fold of Islam by those already in it.

I was born in England but my soul was lost.  My culture, my surroundings, day and night, everything was a stranger to me.  I was not sure what I wanted.  From a very young age, I used to wait for a handsome Arab prince who would sweep me off my feet and take me away on his horse to a distant land in a castle where no one could see me except him.  Yes, I was living in Newcastle, England waiting for some stranger.  Then, one day, a friend took me to a party where people from all cultures were invited.  It was there that I met Asif, a young man from Punjab, Pakistan.  He belonged to a huge closely-knit, feudal and deeply religious Syed family (descendents of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him)).  One day, Asif proposed.  In complete awe I thought to myself, “Perhaps God has gifted me for my modesty.”  We married without delay and I was called Maryam thereafter.

After I recited the Kalima Shahadah (the oath that a convert takes before entering the faith of Islam), I faced tremendous opposition.  After a few months we discovered that a baby was on its way.  It was the happiest time of my life.  Allah blessed us with a beautiful girl.  Asif named her Sana (which means ‘to glorify’) and said, “My daughter was born to glorify Allah.”  We had three sons after Sana.  We were living our lives according to the ways prescribed by Allah and His Messenger (Peace Be Upon Him).  Our life was an example of Paradise on Earth. 

One day Asif’s mother suffered a stroke and he needed to return to Pakistan immediately.  His father was a true Muslim who sacrificed his years for Islam.  It was this that gave me the encouragement that his family would accept me as their daughter-in-law.  It was about the same time that the truth of Islam penetrated my heart and I accepted Allah and His Beloved Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) from my innermost core.  In these days Asif felt increasingly helpless and sorrowful.  I thought to myself, “If we were true to our belief, then why was it that we had to hide our marriage?”  Maybe Asif didn’t want to lose his family.  One day Asif’s elder brother Zahid came to take us back.  He said that they were aware of the marriage and that now we should go back because Asif’s mom was ill and she wanted to see the all kids.  So we moved to Pakistan.  Sana started wearing the Chadar (a long shawl that is wrapped in a manner to cover the body and hair) and started learning to read the Qur’an from a Maulana (a religious scholar).  When my father-in-law sat with Sana and talked about the Qur’an, many questions arose in my heart: Had Allah chosen me for this task?  What is the purpose of my life?  I started reading many books and my father-in-law taught me about the Qur’an, Fiqh (Jurisprudence) and Islam.  He was a complete book in his being.  One day, my mother-in-law died from a heart attack and after a few days my father-in-law also died and this beautiful chapter of my life was closed forever.

My kids, especially Sana was the most learned about Islam.  She was true to her belief and would be praised by everyone who met her.  Our life was peaceful, but I was living a lie.  The truth was that, despite all my hard work, I was not able to adapt to the culture and traditions.  My God-given freedom was snatched from me.  Sometimes I used to wish that I had wings to fly back to my own country.  Asif felt this in me and promised that as soon as the time was right, he would send me to England.  I knew that he was true to his word.  I was not sure of the reason, but every time we intended to go back something would happen and we couldn’t go.

Sana had grown into a young lady by now.  I wished from the bottom of my heart that someone in my in-laws would ask for her hand in marriage.  All of their sons were mature and stood on their own two feet, but why was it that none of them could see Sana?  Asif wanted his daughter to be the pride of this family but this was Pakistan, and not England where I could have looked for a husband for my daughter or she could have found one herself.  England was a non-Muslim country, but this was Asif’s own country.  Then why was he so worried?  In this country, every other home had girls who would go out with boys, dating and shopping and free to enjoy.  But all of this was unlawful for a daughter of a converted mother from England.  My husband was much concerned about her well being, but no one else cared.  All that the in-laws wanted was to find the opportunity to catch my daughter or myself doing something wrong.  That would give them a chance to reject us.  This worried me day and night. I started reading my father-in-law’s books, which he wrote and that gave me comfort.

It was a cold winter night when my sister-in-law’s daughter got married.  There was a strange racket in the house.  When I came outside into the porch, I started watching Sana and the other girls applying Henna.  Standing next to the window, I overheard a discussion.  A lady was asking my sister-in-law about her son, who was old enough to marry and if she had anyone in mind for him.  She replied, “Not yet, I don’t know what has happened to all the good, modest girls.  It seems that all the television girls have stepped into our homes.  They all look like models.”  The women asked, “Why Baji? What about Sana? She is beautiful, modest, homely, and knows all the responsibilities? I wish I had a son…” “Stop it!” said my sister-in-law, “I’m warning you that if you ever took Sana’s name… Sana for my daughter-in-law! God forbid!”  The lady then said, “Why Baji, she is our family girl…” “I told you to be quiet!  Don’t you know that her mother is an Englishwomen!  She doesn’t even know the difference between pure and impure.  That I will have English blood in my lineage, God forbid, No Way!!!” said my sister-in-law.  “But Baji, Sana is your own blood!” exclaimed the woman.  “Please put an end to this topic right here and now and remember that this discussion should never enter the ears of Abid.  He already talks about Sana all the time” said my sister-in-law.  “Baji, I only brought this up because I felt that there isn’t any better girl than Sana.  She is a family girl and she will stay within the family and I know that Asif doesn’t want her to marry out of the family.  He asked me to find out what was the opinion of his sisters about Sana.” “OK, OK, why don’t you marry her with your own brother?” said my sister-in-law.  “If only my brother was up to the mark, he is not even close to her in character,” said this lady.  “Yeah I know, these are just excuses.  Is she the only one left for us? If you cared so much about her then why don’t you look for someone for her so our honor can remain in tact,” answered my sister-in-law.

My God!  These words entered my ears like hot lava.  Unaware of this conversation, Sana looked at me, smiled and called, “Come on mama, let me put Henna on your hands”.  I wanted to burn the whole house and break everything.  What did I not do for this family’s honor?  What was deficient in Sana that she couldn’t be the daughter-in-law of this family?  My whole body was shaking like an earthquake.  I couldn’t breathe.  I felt as if I was a boat, which was about to reach the shore but was suddenly pulled back in by a whirlpool.  In this state I complained to Allah “O Allah, You know what’s hidden in our hearts, You are my witness that I believed and followed You from the depth of my heart at a time when I was brought up in a non-Muslim surrounding, but still had complete belief in You.  I believed that You created every human being for some purpose.  If my purpose was to remove a noble Syed away from base and lowly activities while he had everything, to marry him and protect him from a sinful life, then what is the purpose of my life now?  I am in Pakistan and his family is not accepting his kids because I was an Englishwomen? Now what is it that’s stopping me from returning to my country?  O Allah, show me the right way.”   I felt as if I was surrounded by thick fog and I lost every sense of existence and sanity.  I was not sure what to call this state.   My life had changed forever and little was I to know about the trials that my family was about to face and the honor that Allah, by the rank of his Messenger (Peace Be Upon Him), had in store for me!                                  

(To be continued …)

 The above story, authored by Ms. Farida Abbass was extracted from Pakeezah Magazine (Pakistan) and translated from Urdu by Fatima Sharaaz Qadri, a founding member of IECRC Sacramento and mother of four young children.