IECRC (USA & Canada)

June 27, 2004

Jamad-ul-Awwal 1425

Issue 5

I returned from the wedding with heaviness in my heart. Asif started his work again and the kids were busy in their studies. Sana was becoming very spiritual. She spent most of her time reading the Qur’an and the traditions of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Asif lost his business and had a heart attack which left him bed-ridden, and I fell in the bathroom and broke my foot. Financially, things couldn’t have been worse. One day, Sana asked for permission to get a job. At first, Asif didn’t agree but he couldn’t bear the expenses anymore and permitted her to do so.

Sana started teaching in an elementary school. She would wake early and tend to her father and me, get her brothers ready for school, then go to the school fully covered. Back from school, she would feed us, do the laundry, clean the house and do her homework. As if this wasn’t enough, the day my cast was removed I started cleaning the kitchen and fell again breaking my hip-bone. The doctors put a rod in my pelvis and diagnosed me with osteoporosis. Sana handled the house all by herself. Looking at all of this, I could only feel awful because she should be happily married by now. Rather she was burdened with supporting the entire family. Only a miracle could have taken us out of this misery.

By now, Asif was in a deep state of depression. One day he broke down in tears in front of his brother, Alamdaar, asking him to take care of his affairs after his death.  Alamdaar embraced him and responded, “My dear brother! Why do you grief about her? When Sana will be my daughter then there will be nothing for you to worry about.”  “What do you mean?” asked Asif. “Dear brother, allow Sana to be my daughter-in-law” said Alamdaar. Turning to me, he said, “Bhabi, a true believer stays true to his word. Don’t you trust me? Sana is now mine.” These words were sweeter to me than honey. Alamdaar and his son were both in the army. I always liked their family. They were open-minded people, but I was not sure what reaction his wife and son, Bahaadur, would have to this decision.

As soon as the rest of the family heard about Sana and Bahadar the phone began to ring. I thought everyone would be happy with this union, but all we heard were complaints. Sana became depressed by the family’s opposition.  I felt like going back to my own people and country.  Then Asif surprised me by saying that we were going back so we can earn enough to celebrate Sana’s wedding in style. This was a delicate time in the lives of my children and it worried me how they would be able to handle the stresses of Western culture. I started getting very sick. The doctors said that I needed inner peace, but where was this inner peace? What was the purpose of my life? And why was Sana the biggest part of all this?  She was getting deeper into Islam, spending her nights in prayer, fasting, and making dhikr all the time. Was this  the reason I couldn’t leave Pakistan?  Does Allah want her eyes to remain protected from all that was wrong? The world outside our home was so incredibly different. What was I to do? How could I hide her from the world and the world from her? Perhaps, Allah had decreed my forgiveness through her. How was this all possible? Darkness engulfed me.  It was so dark that I was unable to see or think. I tried hard to find a ray of light. Suddenly, there it was, shining in the dark. I began to tremble with fear. Within the light I saw a shadow. The light appeared from behind the shadow. This great saintly woman wearing long black clothes appeared. Her face was covered but her beauty… I couldn’t dare look at. My eyes were as if pulled to the ground in awe. I began trembling with the awe of her beauty. “Maryam” said this beautiful sweet voice, “you are yet to reach your goal. It will happen soon…that which you are here for.” I lifted my eyes but the blessed personality was there no more.  I cried out to her in despair. “Mama, what happened!” said Sana worriedly. Asif also awoke. I was trembling with fever. I passed out. After two days I awoke in a hospital. Later, I was told that I had a nervous breakdown. But that dream! Was it a dream or reality? I saw a dream while I was awake? No, that was no dream! It was reality. I was awake. I swear that that blessed personality was Syeda Fatima Az-Zahra (may Allah be pleased with her).

Here was I, a convert full of sin, and there, such an honorable and sacred personality! Whatever happened to me was reality beyond the spoken word. Who was I to experience such an awesome connection! When He (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) showers his mercy on dirt, then it too is blessed with flowers.  I am not even the dust of their feet and I sacrifice my honor for them (peace and blessing be upon the Prophet Muhammad and his family) from who the impoverished are given above and beyond their needs. That is the house of al-Qasim where princes and paupers receive equal share. I sacrifice my life for his honor (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him and his family)!

Sana got married back in Pakistan and left us. On the tenth day of her wedding we heard that Bahadur was called back to the border leaving his newly-wed bride behind. I tried calling Sana and asked her to come and stay with us, but she refused. This upset me, but shortly I received a letter from her promising me that she would visit us as soon as Bahadur gets back. Shortly thereafter, the phone rang, and it was an army man. He asked me if I was Mrs. Asif. He said “I regret to inform you that Mrs. Sana Ahmed had an accident. We want you to come as soon as possible. Whose accident with what? How? Many questions swirled through my mind. It was like the Day of Judgment. When we arrived in Rawal Pindi, no one was in the house except for army men pitching tents. All I heard was the ambulance siren. I was not sure if I was alive or not. All I could see was Sana smiling everywhere. What happened? How? I was beyond these questions. I cried out “Sana….Sana….Sana!!!” When I awoke from this state all I had with me was my two empty arms. I cried out and fainted again. When I awoke again, Bahadur walked into the room. What was this? Bahadur is here! Then where is Sana? It was then that my sister-in-law explained me the entire event as it occurred.

It was Sana’s birthday and Bahadur gave her some beautiful gifts. In the same box were pieces of a bomb souvenir which the army gives to brave servicemen. Bahadur put those in the trash so they could be thrown away. When Sana started packing for the trip, she closed the door. There was an explosion like that of a gas cylinder. The neighbors came over and broke the door down. Sana lay on the ground deeply wounded. She was rushed to the hospital. Fighting for her life, Sana died. They couldn’t find anyone responsible for the bomb.

This was the life story of my little doll. I remember how she used to say “Mama, what will happen to me after Bahadur? I wish that Allah gives me his death.” I always told her not to say such things, but she kept on praying that Allah would listen to her. I had realized the goal of my life. The meaning of my vision was true without a doubt. My goal in life was to protect a pure soul from a wretched and impure world. There was no way that I could have taken pure clay away from its origin and its end; clay that was to remain part of the beautiful garden of eternity. It was in my fate that Allah had decreed me to be the mother of a  Shaheedah.

Yes, that was my fate!

The preceding story, authored by Ms. Farida Abbass, was extracted from Paakeezah magazine (Pakistan) and translated from Urdu into English by Fatima Sharaaz Qadri.  Ms. Fatima is a founding member of the IECRC Sacramento Chapter and mother of three your children.